Oh, sh*t. I have to clean this tiny apartment myself?! Yes, your mother doesn’t work here.

This is probably going to be one of the quickest blog posts in the history of this blog, which of course is a 4-month history.  I’m in a major state of panic (although on the outside you wouldn’t know it — yes, I keep it all inside).

I’m taking a break from a whirlwind of cleaning and organizing in preparation for house guests — who I’ll hereby identify as “The Sequel”.  As excited as I am to have this bonding experience, once it hit me this past weekend that I had only one more full weekend before their arrival, I knew I needed to get cracking.

Note: This is not going to stop me from hanging out this weekend, so you clearly know where my priorities are…a girl still needs to have a little fun. So, come Saturday afternoon to Saturday night, all cleaning will be paused. 

Okay, back to the story…

As I stood in my living room…as soon as I stood in my bedroom…as soon as I stood in my kitchen, my one thought:

Oh, sh*t.  I have to clean this tiny apartment myself?!  Yes, your mother doesn’t work here.

I might be a (relatively) clean and tidy person with slight O.C.D., but this Brainy Pint Sizer hasn’t done the mop, bucket, floor polish, paper sorting, de-cluttering in…well, a long, l-o-n-g, loooong time.  Jesus, Mary and Joseph…I have no idea how I’m going to get through this.

My initial plan:

  • Phase 1 — The bedroom
  • Phase 2 — The kitchen and the bathroom
  • Phase 3 — The living room, dining area and entrance hallway

Well, after seeing all of what’s in front of me, it is Balls to the Wall — no B/S.  All those planned phases are out the window.  I’m now in the midst of an all out, full on, mad dash to the finish, and I may not make it.

  • I’m throwing out paper, plastics, bags.  Yep, I still have bags — remember this post?
  • I have bags filled with papers for shredding, and I plan on waking up early on Saturday morning to head to one of the County drop off locations where they’ve arranged for one of those shredding trucks to be present for several hours.
  • I’m moving furniture.  I already moved my bed, which was no easy feat.  Almost broke my d*mn back but that bed was going to moved even if I had cry through the whole bloody 38-minute episode.  Yes, it took me that long.
  • I’ve been hunting for days for storage furniture.  Finally, I’ve settled on IKEA.  Do you know how hard it is to find storage furniture???  I’ll tell you how hard:  Hella hard!  I have spent hours searching online, especially since we’re dealing with a New York-sized apartment here.  This ain’t the American South with 6,000 square feet of space plus bonus room, plus media room, plus sitting room — where nobody sits.  I’d be lucky if this abode was 500 square feet!  So, after I do my shredding drop off on Saturday morning, I’m heading to Paramus, New Jersey.  (And you know how difficult that is for me.  I don’t like going to New Jersey.  It’s so far away from everything!)  Once I’m done in Jersey, then, it’s back home for me before my late afternoon/early Saturday evening hang out.

T-minus six days before “The Sequel” arrive.  If this cleaning doesn’t kill me, I don’t know what will.

I need a maid and STAT.  Does anyone have any suggestions?  I’m running out of time.

Now, what the h*ll do I do with all these heels?!  Hmmmm…I know.  I’ll take some of them to the office (because of course, my office doubles as a secondary location for personal shoe storage).


7 thoughts on “Oh, sh*t. I have to clean this tiny apartment myself?! Yes, your mother doesn’t work here.

  1. Pingback: Bounty Paper Towels: The only way to satisfy a mild O.C.D. non-housewife. | brainypintsizer

  2. That post wasn’t really short you know. Hahaha. Good luck cleaning. It’ll all be worth it when your guests are with you and y’all are all having a jolly ole time!

    • I know…it really wasn’t. But I type fast. So to me, it felt short! haha!! Already the gods are against me. Rain in the forecast starting from tonight, which means, it’s going to be a huge challenge tomorrow with garbage dumping, lugging boxes with papers to be shredded to the County drop off site, and because of course I don’t have enough to do, I have to go to IKEA. (The reviews I’ve read about them does not make me want to venture there…I wonder where else I can go for storage furniture — not-quite-file-cabinet type furniture for files?)

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