James Taylor and Carole King sang about it. Whitney and CeCe sang about it. Kermit sang about it. Yes, even Kermit.

I have no idea why this has been on my mind so much lately.  But for some reason, something triggers a thought and I’ll think, ‘I’m lucky’, because even when I’m worrying about God knows what, I realize there are constants that pull me through the rough patches — and one of these constants is friendships.

Saturday night I went out with a friend.  Hmmm… Our history is interesting.  I met her when I moved to London and we were flatmates for a year.  We were ‘friendly’ but not necessarily friends.  There was a bit of an age difference.  After we parted ways as flatmates, that was pretty much it.  Never saw each other again.  Fast forward and somehow she found me last year after relocating to New York City.  Would we have anything in common other than a shared living space more than a decade ago?  Turns out, her personal life is changing in a major way, and without divulging the gritty details, she’s learning a lot about herself.  As she puts it, she’s learning about “being a strong, independent woman”…something she somehow sees in me?…Hm.  Anyway, back then before our lives crossed, I’d made a huge life change — a drastic decision, moving lock, stock and barrel suitcases 3,400 miles to London — leaving employment, domicile and vehicle behind.

So, she’s going through a rough patch…and she needs a friend, and I know where she’s coming from.  And she’s lucky because she has a support system, and I’ll try very hard to be a friend because I admire her.  She’s intelligent, funny, just an all-around nice person, and I feel I’m really getting to know her — because before I didn’t.  We’re both also older, and with age, comes maturity.  I see that in her now; I didn’t see that before.  We simply had nothing in common.

Now, that gets me thinking again…Can you develop more than just a surface friendship later in life?  (She’s made it clear that she’d like to hang out more…do stuff together…go on girls weekend trips.  Hm.)  Silly question, perhaps, but wouldn’t you think that at a certain point you have your dearest friend — your ‘BFF’, or core group — your clique, so to speak, so do you really need more friends?

Out of the handful of friends I have, there is simply one person on this planet that I trust, who I consider ‘family’.  Our friendship has lasted almost 20 years.  I’ve come to realize, this is a long time, especially since we didn’t meet each other until adulthood.  It wasn’t like we grew up together or lived in the same neighborhood as children, went to school together or our parents knew each other.

After much introspection, I believe our friendship has lasted and is genuine because there is a mutual respect. With that respect comes honesty and knowing that that person ‘has your back’.  When life gets busy, we don’t talk as often as we’d like, but when we do, you’d never know it.  It’s like we pick up right where we left off.

My mother, aunts and their friends (females), all seem to have these types of long-lasting relationships.  I was starting to wonder if it was a generational thing, but it seems it isn’t.  It’s a human thing.  People get close to and stay close to those they admire, respect and trust.  That’s it.  Is there more to it than that?

What are your views on friendship?  It is easier for men or women?  And for the women out there, is there one friend or a group of friends that you’ve latched on to that you see more than just friends and actually think of as family?  (Well, as long as it isn’t one of those dysfunctional families that end up on an afternoon talk show…)

Friendships…

James Taylor and Carole King sang about it.  Whitney and CeCe sang about itKermit sang about itYes, even Kermit.  (I love that amphibian.)  The friendship relationship is a pretty special thing.

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8 thoughts on “James Taylor and Carole King sang about it. Whitney and CeCe sang about it. Kermit sang about it. Yes, even Kermit.

  1. I have a friend just like you posted about. She is more than just my bff or even a sister. I couldn’t make any important decisions without her 2 cents & admire, trust & respect her. She is my family & I will always be there for her. It’s also nice to meet new people. Our lives are constantly changing & I think it’s a great thing to give a new friendship a chance. It could lead you places you never thought you would go. Go ahead – jump in!

    • One of these days we should introduce them. They’re truly so lucky to have such a relationship… And I agree, a new friendship is not a bad thing especially when it’s almost like you’re getting a second chance to know someone.

  2. I think it’s possible to develop deep friendships later in life. I’ve got a group now that i didn’t meet until my 30s. . I think maturity leads to a different kind of friendship. Some of the girls I was “best” friends with then, I wouldn’t be acquaintances with now. But I think we just evolve. And so do our friendships.

    • Your comment, “I think maturity leads to a different kind of friendship,” really struck a chord. Over a decade later, I really think that could be a possibility with my old flatmate. I was perhaps unfairly harsh. I felt she was such a baby then, very sheltered, so incredibly naive. I could have, should have, given her a chance. Now, here we both are…older and wiser. Yes, we all mature at some point.

  3. I know for sure I have that deep family relationship with you and your family – time away does not diminish that – you can attest to that !!!!

    • I want to believe that too. Anything is possible. Of course, you know there’s a ‘but’ coming…but, I guess I’m too protective at this stage of my life. I kind of feel, I don’t need 5, 6, 10 people around me. I know what’s important, and I have what I need. I wouldn’t say I’d push someone away — because I wouldn’t. But from where I stand at this moment, I’m blessed, satisfied and happy. Maybe seeing reality television and the terrible behavior of grown women makes me jaded. I’ll see what the next phase of my life brings me… (And as for Kermit…he can keep his real life cousins! LOL!)

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