Okay, my waistline is expanding again. (blink) And, something is wrong with my thighs…
…they’re on my body.
This all started way, way, way before my Summer Restaurant Week explorations. Actually, it started last summer — a year ago — when my slackness kicked into high gear (i.e. not going to the gym, not exercising on my own, not watching my food portions, not getting to bed before midnight…). I flaked out on yoga. Lord knows I tried. sigh. But, it just wasn’t for me. I was a big, fat, failure. But let me tell you…Yoga is not as easy as you think it is!
Then things got nuts during the first four months of the year at work. (I swear to you, they are chip, chip, chipping away at my life.) I had no time, no energy, no discipline. Enter spring: I should have been enjoying the weather (but it wasn’t the greatest — Mother Nature was my enemy) and so I sank deeper and deeper into Weight-Gain-ville. Oh, I could tell things were getting bad, even before I made the Skinny Jeans Purchase of 2012 (remember that craziness?), but I obviously was delusional and didn’t care.
I need an intervention.
So, as I’m sitting here typing away, night after night (like tonight) — yep, sedentary on the couch, watching the boob tube, I look down at the bellies. Oh, sure, I know what you’re saying: ‘What bellies?’ See, that’s the thing, I camouflage my poundage. (Yeah, I’m slick that way.)
But the scale and cellulite don’t lie, people. Nope.
Based on my convo with the woman in the white coat who I don’t go to see unless absolutely, positively necessary (which means, when I see her, she gives me that look), I am now…get this…
…overweight — technically speaking.
When you’re a 5′ pint sizer, you should only be a certain weight and with the type of frame I have that’s another concern. I’m not ‘big boned-ed’. Hence, I should only fall in a certain weight range. The exercise problem is a BIG problem. The food intake — off-the-charts…(food is my weakness…smh).
The cold, hard truth: I need to be centered and focused. I need people in my corner. I need Zen, and all that New Age crap along with tough love (and according to the woman in the nail salon the other night, I need regular massages because after a 5 minute rub, her diagnosis: my entire back is filled with knots — and, of course, I tend to listen to small, Korean women in nail salons).
So, I’m putting it out to the universe…
Wanted: Exercise Buddy…Food Police…Hypnotist…Sensei…(Surely, I am not asking for too much.)
Or am I?