Wanted: Exercise Buddy…Food Police…Hypnotist…Sensei…(Surely, I am not asking for too much.)

Okay, my waistline is expanding again. (blink)  And, something is wrong with my thighs…

…they’re on my body.

This all started way, way, way before my Summer Restaurant Week explorations.  Actually, it started last summer — a year ago — when my slackness kicked into high gear (i.e. not going to the gym, not exercising on my own, not watching my food portions, not getting to bed before midnight…).  I flaked out on yoga.  Lord knows I tried. sigh.  But, it just wasn’t for me.  I was a big, fat, failure.  But let me tell you…Yoga is not as easy as you think it is!

Then things got nuts during the first four months of the year at work.  (I swear to you, they are chip, chip, chipping away at my life.)  I had no time, no energy, no discipline.  Enter spring:  I should have been enjoying the weather (but it wasn’t the greatest — Mother Nature was my enemy) and so I sank deeper and deeper into Weight-Gain-ville.  Oh, I could tell things were getting bad, even before I made the Skinny Jeans Purchase of 2012 (remember that craziness?), but I obviously was delusional and didn’t care.

I need an intervention.

So, as I’m sitting here typing away, night after night (like tonight) — yep, sedentary on the couch, watching the boob tube, I look down at the bellies.  Oh, sure, I know what you’re saying: ‘What bellies?’ See, that’s the thing, I camouflage my poundage.  (Yeah, I’m slick that way.)

But the scale and cellulite don’t lie, people. Nope.

Based on my convo with the woman in the white coat who I don’t go to see unless absolutely, positively necessary (which means, when I see her, she gives me that look), I am now…get this…

overweight — technically speaking.

When you’re a 5′ pint sizer, you should only be a certain weight and with the type of frame I have that’s another concern.  I’m not ‘big boned-ed’.  Hence, I should only fall in a certain weight range.  The exercise problem is a BIG problem.  The food intake — off-the-charts…(food is my weakness…smh).

The cold, hard truth: I need to be centered and focused.  I need people in my corner.  I need Zen, and all that New Age crap along with tough love (and according to the woman in the nail salon the other night, I need regular massages because after a 5 minute rub, her diagnosis: my entire back is filled with knots — and, of course, I tend to listen to small, Korean women in nail salons).

So, I’m putting it out to the universe…

Wanted: Exercise Buddy…Food Police…Hypnotist…Sensei…(Surely, I am not asking for too much.)

Or am I?


9 thoughts on “Wanted: Exercise Buddy…Food Police…Hypnotist…Sensei…(Surely, I am not asking for too much.)

  1. Pingback: Maybe a little melodramatic, but is the universe against me? | brainypintsizer

    • Okay, this is killing me! I’ve already started to lower my food intake in the evening, but I haven’t yet mastered the new and improved change in lifestyle (sorry, I just cannot diet — that doesn’t work for me — I’m West Indian, that’s like a slow death). I’m heading back to the cheap gym (more like an exercise room — it is that small). But even without it, I need to do much more exercise on my own – walking/running. (sigh)

      This is so hard! *while pinning food pics on Pinterest and stifling inner sobs* Maybe I should start to share motivation notes or ideas as I commence this journey. Will work on that. I can’t stop going out on foodie adventures! Never! (Can’t go out like that.)

    • Oh good! Yay! It’s not just about food portions, it’s about the foods we eat and emotional eating. Exercise is a critical component. My mini dream is to have an exercise group meet 2 – 3 days a week in the park across the street. I’d love that.

    • I don’t mind exercise, that’s the crazy thing. It’s just that I go through these loss of energy/can’t-be-bothered phases (like many people do) and with work and just life in general, you don’t feel you can make it a priority.

      Of course, I love food way too much! But, you can’t have it both ways, you know? I need to snap back into the groove because this is not a superficial problem. Wish me luck!

  2. Of course you aren’t asking for too much….. but be careful what you ask for. Let’s analyze it- Exercise buddy= could be a crazy athlete who wants to run you ragged. Dancing to Latin music is as far as I would go with this. Food police=forget it….sounds too militaristic. Humilitation and resentment await you in your future. A diet watch dog sounds cuter and puppyish. Hypnotist=not all are susceptible to hypnotic suggestion and high bogus factor. Sensei…. sounds kinda zen-like but do you want someone calling you grasshopper all of the time? Let’s discuss the pros and cons of Jenny Craig vs Weight Watchers over cocktails and possibly profiteroles. xo

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