Crossroads: Doubts still remain about my life’s direction.

Every year I’d have hopes for a few things (and it didn’t include climbing Mount Everest) I’d like changed personally and professionally.  Actually, the items on my list are the same things I have year after year.  Sad, but true, and pretty pathetic.  Well, I thought 2013 would be a little better, but I started off on the wrong foot straight out of the gate.  And one month and now days in, I have zero motivation and I have no idea where I’m going.  This is troubling for someone in the third quarter of their life.  Very troubling.

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  • My hope for a changed attitude about exercising? Well, that’s a colossal fail.  I’ve been to one (or is it two?) Zumba classes and that’s it.  Haven’t been back.  Haven’t registered for boot camp classes.  Nothing.
  • Watching how and what I eat?  Well, if you follow me enough on Twitter and read this blog, you can tell, I’m also failing miserably.
  • As for work, I’m still where I am, and I’m merely existing.  But, I keep my trap shut and the work moving because the alternative is the unemployment line.
  • My professional mentor and I have spoken once since the new year began and my “homework”, which includes revisions to my resume and writing down my goals, aspirations and all my accomplishments during my tenure as a marketing chick thus far? Well, let’s just say, making a few changes on the resume doesn’t exactly equate to much of anything.  It’s still in such a sad state and as far as the other things go, I haven’t done anything.

In the spirit of honesty, it’s not that I don’t care, it’s just — I can’t.  If I was talking to my own self, I’d say, this is nothing but a combination of laziness and hollow excuses.  (Perhaps.)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Not too long ago, I paid a visit for the first time to a person who calls themselves “an intuitive spiritual counselor” and a person who is also a “medium”.  Well, what can I say about the experience?  I’m not a believer or a disbeliever.  I took it, as the saying goes, “with a grain of salt”.  The one thing I try to believe in is in Jesus Christ and sometimes He and I have issues.  (Trust me, I lost my chance to the Pearly Gates a long time ago.)  Anyway, this person claimed my life would change.  What I was doing in my professional life was not my passion.  (You think?)  Furthermore, what would be a hobby would morph into something much, much more important and rewarding.  (You don’t say?)  Translated, my work as a marketing chick with these executives would not be “the be all and end all” and I’d be freed from this frustration and misery.  (This is what the person meant, right?)  The person also said that the roadblocks I’d experienced, without me realizing it, had to happen because they’re seemingly helping me to get to where I should be.  This year, said the enlightened one, would be a year of changes.  (We’ll see about that.)  *shrugs shoulders*

Regardless of whether that person says it or it is spoken from the Heavens:  I still remain at a crossroads and doubts still remain about my life’s direction.  I’m nowhere close to answers, and if my motivation doesn’t change, nothing else will either.

I wonder about those who have also found themselves at a crossroad where they’ve lingered for a while…what’s the secret to just pushing yourself up and out of the funk?


4 thoughts on “Crossroads: Doubts still remain about my life’s direction.

  1. I always start out with good intentions but don’t do anything until some big event FORCES my hand. Maybe that will happen to you….

    • I actually don’t want something to force my hand…I want to do what I need to do without feeling I’ve been backed into a corner. I’m disappointed that I’m not motivated — when obviously I know what I need to do and why I need to do it. I just don’t get it. I better snap out of this fast.

  2. Happy 2013, lady!:-) The important thing is is that you know what your goals are, and you work towards them just a *little* bit every day. I definitely can’t remember the last time I took a Zumba class, BUT, if I do a few push ups and sit ups in the morning, I totally think that counts towards the “exercise” goal!;-) Good things are coming, just keep at it!

    • Yes, you’re right — “just a *little* bit every day.”

      Alas, I missed another Zumba class today. Now, if only I can get back into my walking and running schedule. I just need to (re-) start…again.

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