I’ve been noticing recently that my once dogged adherence to self-imposed rules and regulations of “Responsible Behaviors in Adulthood” have not only been bending but bending a bit too much. I’m not quite sure what’s going on. It’s almost as if I’m trying to drop in as many carefree moments without really pausing and considering the consequences until after the fact. It’s only then that the “What the h*ll are you doing???” thoughts roll in.
The other day, in one of the rare moments I caught myself before doing damage, I wondered if I was having a midlife crisis. I’m being serious. There have been so many instances since the year began of me exhibiting unusual, spur-of-the-moment behaviors, that I’m now taking stock (you know that saying, “You better check yourself before you wreck yourself”? Well, that comes to mind…). Frankly, it’s disturbing, uncomfortable and leaving me anxious.
Self-control is one of those things I like to think I have. Well, for some things, more than others. Much of the time, my
slight O.C.D. keeps me in check. (It has its benefits.) But, now I’m truly all haywire in my head…Slipping into bad habits, leaving discipline by the wayside. This has been building since last year, as I’ve documented a few things on this blog of mine. (You can’t hide from the truth, especially when it’s in print.) It’s like, unbeknownst to me — and without my permission, a switch was flipped and now there are bursts of whatever, whenever, however — and the “I don’t give a sh*ts.”
So, to all my sociology and psychology undergrad and graduate majors (I can’t remember that far back, although I do believe I did very well in those classes), what’s going on when a seemingly rational and “together” full-fledged adult begins displaying behaviors akin to someone in young adulthood? I’m not doing things that are trying to recapture my youth (wearing acid washed, ripped jeans and such), but to be blunt: I’m living on 10 at times like things don’t matter when they absolutely, positively should.